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Wednesday, August 24, 2005
"how's life..with out me?"
Ang init. "smile as you realy are happy. Feel the happiness like its real. Hide the sorrow deep enough to forget it." wala lang..just felt like making a qoute..is it malabo? oh well. I read Mars' blog and its about melting chocolates and change. I wonder how much I've change from being the real me to being KHAYE. I hate UTs..I think I'm gonna fail..huwatta a life. Today wasn't exactly good. It was just the normal day. oh well..I still have kwento. It was lunch..well a little after lunch time. I was trying to finish my drink so I was outside the classroom. I was standing by the door amd so were Bea and Boo. I was looking/staring at nothing then I saw Carla B. I was wonering who was with her-they seemed so happy and having fun. I just kept on staring then when they went down the stairs, shux! It's E.E I was frozen there for a lot of seconds then I looked at Bea and Bea looked at me in a weird way.."what? could you not look at me like that?" hahaha..then I went infront of the trash can to throw my trash. I found out later that same day..today. that they were late for Lit class..hard to believe but true. oh well..huwatever! Mariel C. was making kwento to me. I listened. "Bea said that its so weird daw that everytime she goes to the classroom I'm not there" I know how weird that is, very..see coz maybe I'm the one who's there everytime she goes to the classroom and looks for her. I dont freeze that much anymore. Maybe I've learned how to control..but I still stare a lot. I'm so scared. huwat if she finds me creepy coz I stare at her? I'm beggining to be paranoid. Paranoia is not normal. What is normal anyway..I guess being normal depends on the person you talk to. I saw the results of my personality test. The results were very nce but then my cheerfulness ias super high. We took that before we had club try outs-PEP. I was happy then. I wanna take it again, I wanna see if the results changed. I wonder what the issue has done to my state of being and way of thinking. I guess it made me a stronger person than I was and it ave me paranoia. Its not that I find it bad but the feeling is not good at all. I know I should stop feling this already but then see, I can't be that hyper freshie who is very friendly to some people. If I try to talk to them, maybe they'll start avoiding me saying "that's the bisexual freshie who likes her, she's so freaky." I've learned to live with the stares I get and the talks behind my back but what I can't stand is not making friends..with..yeah!!!!! I wanna curse but I don't want to.
18:49
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