|
|
||
|
Sunday, September 18, 2005
competitions rock!!
Century Culinary Meet contest was held yesterday!! we won!! 3rd place!!! we rock.
17:55
Sunday, September 11, 2005
I have a qoute: "What the eyes cannot see, the heart can feel. And what the mind forgets, the heart always remebers." I was reading the newspaper and I came across that. It's so beautiful. I am jus so very happy!! haha :D I went to K.A.R.E last night.!! So kewl. haha :D I went with Mariel and Billie. And I was transpo. thanks for paying for my ticket Mariel!! It was such a coinsidence coz we were all in PINK hahaha :D Then the night before the event, I had a dream that I was a POVEDAN!! scayry!! Then it sort of came true coz when we got there, we were the first ones to arrive, they asked us if we were Povedans..(do we look like WE make ensaymadas?? lol.) K.A.R.E is soo sugoy coz we were infront. The best. Imago rocked!! 6cyclemind was soo cool. I kept on making eye contact with the guitarist but he said nothing. The vocalist was kind:D The best part, Callalilly. Its a new band. The vocalist is hott. We were infront. hahahahaha :D Then the vocalist was doing this funny guesture so I decided to copy him..hehehe. Then after that we were like.."lets take his picture!! picture!!" ..with all my confidence-kapal ko talaga!! I went up to him and asked for his picture..but then before I could talk he told me.."ikaw yung gumagaya sa 'kin! hahahaha" all I could say was.."hindi ah..hahahahahhahaha..lol." I was about to take his picture when he goes: "bakit ako lang? dapat pareho tayo!!" aaaaaaaaahhhhhh!! so cool!! hahahaha:D Then we-Mariel and I-kept on waiting for him againto get his autograph. hahahaha:D we are just so mababaw. It was just soo fun. anyways. on to the sad part. I know na, no need to hide it. how low is that?? You people keep on acting as if its something very deep but really it's sooo LOW!! You haven't even asked my side. You know nothing. How dare you!! God.
16:43
Friday, September 9, 2005
maybe it's psycological..
Last day of exams yestersay...CELEBRATE!! I hate Math.. The TE was ok but it sucked all my brain powers..hahahahahahaha :D what the hell?! hahahaha:D oh well. I went out with Yuki, Michelle, Jani, Michelle and Patz. I was supposed to go out with sila Ina and group but then I considered fatcs and accepted it..so I just went out with sila Yuki. We went to Michelle's house. She has a dog. Trixie!! hahaha:D then we went to the mall. We laft our stuff in True Value..we had to talk to them pa. hahaha :D then we ate in Oliver's and while eating we were people watching. A LOT of AC-nistas. but then..oh well..its rockwell. We debated on what movie to watch..then to watch or not to watch a movie. It ended up as Michelle and Jani lang watching RED EYE. We waited for the time for them to watch and while doing so, we got a pic card..played in Power station and went to stores and try on clothes. Then the time came. They left us. We, the people left went around and around. Then Patz went home na. Then Michelle went home na. Yuki and I went to Seatle's to wait for our sundo..then Yuki went na. I decided to go to Starbucks to forget all the sorrow. I was soo ALONE. SO there.. Then I decided to walk around para I won't be soo bored. And I did walk around. While walking I saw Ina's group..with Boo. Ina and Boo(only) talked to me. I wanted to hang out with them so mcuh but then see, I have issues so I just told them that I was going home na. I lied. I waited for one hour pa in Seatle's. I can't believe them..they didn't mind me!! What am I invisible?! What have I done ba?!?!?!?! Since I was ALone..I started thinking. I was texting Missy and I told her what I rough day I'm having. She said she's gonna call me. I texted Ms. Nympha and told her my issues and what I feel. at some point she said: is it possible that your paranoid? or maybe your the one distancing yourself from them? sometimes we don't notice but we creat situations to spice things up. I didnt really understand it. Am I paranoid?? I can't be!! It's so obvious in their actions that they dont like me!! what the hell?! I don't know nga what I've done. I dont want them to go..or be out of my life but then they are causing me much too much pain and I cant take it anymore!! I went home. Missy called. We talked about that issue. I started breaking down. I just can't beleive it!! Whenever I ask them if they are mad at me they say "no!! stop being paranoid!!!" what the hell??? I just wanna die..I just wanna fade infront of all these problems. I just can't help it but cry because of them. I am so sorry you guys. I don't even think they know its them. I have excluded myself from them and now I have mastered the aret of EPAL-ness. What to master next? Leeching. I wonder when I will forget them. I just wanna fade. fade.. fade
17:18
Wednesday, September 7, 2005
I haTe ever so muuch
I hate my mom. She makes my life hard-ER I'm sick. I can't breathe properly. I'm anemic. Doesn't seem like it does it?! Anyways..I still have no medicine. I'm dying soon. gawd. I haven't talked to any of my friends that were once so dear to me. Everything just disappeared in just a snap. I regret it being with them. They are hurting me. ouch. I can feel the hatred. The sense of awardness when I'm around them. What have I done?? As far as I know..NOTHING. Do I deserve this. How cynical can they get?? We haven't been minding eachother for such a long time. I haven't been hanging out with them. I am nearing mastering the art of alone-ness and epal-ness. I can't believe that I forced myself to believe that they are my true friends. I was wrong. It's so hard to let go when you weren't even holding on to anything. How could they?? I guess you'll never know unless I tell you.. It's just gonna hurt both of us so nevermind.
19:06
now that I'm next to you no more dreamin' about tomorrow forget the loneliness and sorrow I've got to say it's all because of you and now that we're together, together I wanna show you my heart is oh so true and all the love I have is especially for you I have LSS. I haven't been hanging out with them and it really hurts. I dunno what to do. They dont even seem to care. It's like I'm not important to them. The usual hugs and jokes and long kwentuhans are now turned into normal hi's and hello's I dunno what to do na. I've lost everything. I'm beeing a leech already but my leech-ness doesn't seem to take all my sorrow away. I've been wondering if I really do deserve them..if they really saw me as a friend or as a toy to make them happy..that is soo sad.
15:44
Tuesday, September 6, 2005
maybe I'm a little addicted maybe I just can't get out of this maybe it is just to soon to say. free your mind don't let me down we'll find a way to make it go away Too much tests. Can't concentrate. I've got a LJ account na. I'll try my super best to update both as much as possible ;)
16:25
Monday, September 5, 2005
:monday, TE, sad :( :
Today, TE. Science was kinda easy...CLE, I totally guessed my answer in one question. I was so clueless :c During recess I went down with sila Mariel M. Then I went with Ina to the college canteen- Thank you ever so much for making me libre!! We went back and stayed with Zia and the ever so niiice, Yuki. We reveiwed and stuff. I told them a trivia. Susie died last night did she die? Them: Yeah Me: no Listen, Susie died last night, did she die? Them: ..No?? Me: Yes Then Zia goes: A key can't die!!! laughter.
14:04
Saturday, September 3, 2005
huwaw!!
Mars, Thanks you ever so much for editing my blog again.. You really do make me happy hahahahahahahahah:D Conversation between my brother from La Salle and I while watching Sponge's video, Gemini Me: Siguro sa Ateneo yung theater ne yan. Atenista kasi sila eh. Bro: Yeah. Ateneo nga yan. Me: Pano mo nasabi? Bro: Kasi blue ung kurtina nila. Me: huwat?!?!?! bakit kami, blue ung kurtina namin..kayo ba kurtina nyo..anong kulay?? Bro: Green. silence. Laughter. whatta life. I was texting Pats T. last night and we were talking about THE SONG. She didn't wanna sing it for me. sad. I asked her to do me a favor. Save IBE's pics on a cd for me. SHe can't. oh well...whatever.
13:26
Friday, September 2, 2005
:like what I said:
" Forget the past and live your life" -Mars. She gave me advice and I accept it. Maybe I need advice. I need a therapist. I need my friends but where are they? gone. I need my lost self. I need time to find me. Thanks Mars, you're of great help.
21:00
a reason for everything. riight.
Paranoia AGAIN this time, its worse. I think I brought it to a higher level. This time there are more reasons to be paranoid about. Is it true? Friendship is at its best when you don't talk to each other, feel left out and other stuff like those? I have given myself enough time to think about this. I've thought about this A LOT of times and yet no answer creeps into my mind. Maybe paranoia s a choice. I've been making the wrong choice then. I am a leech. I am epal. I leech into anyone's barkada during lunch or recess. I make epal to all those people I see. I haven't been hanging out with them eversince..I forgot..its been long enough to forget I guess. I've been having lunch, reces and all my breaks ALONE. Maybe it's a sign. Time for me to reflect. I don't like what I'm going through. It's so freakin' hard. Lately, I've been sad. I haven't been smiling exept for those moments that I see people who make me smile for no reson at all. For sure I still crack corknee jokes from time to time but then once I'm alone. Paranoia creeps in. I become emotionally unstable. Its not that I'm affecting a lot of people with what's happening. Only that when I ask random questions, it annoys them. Brings me farther away from them. I haven't been hanging out with my friends. I've been mastering alone-ness and how to be epal when you're sad. Who cares anyway. No one. I don't even care. (how plastic can I get?) I've been thinking too much I guess. No I'm not. I'm just saying how I feel and I don't feel good. These past few weeks I've been having a hard time breathing and that gives me the thought that I am dying. I AM dying; emotionally. I've been torturing myself with these thoughts. I'm killing myself. One day, I'm gonna look at the mirror and look for the old me.(too dramatic) I love life. I love life's challenges because its what keeps me going. Seems that E.E and IBE are out of the pic.. No they're not. Just that I haven't been seeing alot of them. MAYBE BECAUSE I'm too busy thinking inside the classroom. When I die I wanna say sorry to my friends. I am the source of pain. Say it. I'm paranoid. A lot of people hate me for that. It hurts. WHy can't people just say the truth? It hurts more when you become like me. Sucks to live a life like mine. Rocks to have friends and have a good time. labo.
20:31
Thursday, September 1, 2005
..think aGaiN..
Friendship is at its best when you feel left out, casted away, out of pace or drifting away from them. That's how I feel but no big deal about it. I consider myself lucky. Anyway..moving on to stories.. Tuesday and Wednesday sucked. I haven't seen E.E for 2 days, those 2 days but Wednesday afternoon rocked. Isay and I were hanging out the bench outside IV-4. IBE and some friends passed by. Going to the bathroom. When they came back IBE suddenly goes : "I sewed your skirt." I was staring at the ceiling and tried my best not to laugh. They left. Isay and I rushed to our class rooms and I just kept on laughing. oh Isay, how lucky. Today. I rushed up to the computer lab after getting the stuff that was detatched and I was supposed to return it. My project is way important. I rushed up then I looked for a comp. everything's full. shiyet! I used what Mariel used and so I was beside Pats. Suddenly Pats goes :"kaye si orig, kaye si orig!" I lifted up my head and to my surprise..whoa! Orig was there. Pats left, I waited for Jian. Orig went in. *fast forward* It was almost time-5 mins nalang-so I decided to go down na, with Jian. Orig rushed out the door before we could go out, first. Then we went out na. We were gonna go down and orig was going to the comp lab. I almost hit orig, buti nalang umiwas sya. Dismissal time, I realized that I gave the wrong paper for my research in math. I went to Sr. Llanto. Buti nalang he understood. While I was waiting, IBE came. I was leaning on the wall. IBE passed infront of me. Then some one stood infront of me, making the way narrow-er. IBE was gonna leave na and pag alis nya. IBE hit my skirt. By accident. How happy can happiness be? Morning. Sci lab. I was having a hard time taking my LP folder out. I heard a voice. "kaye kaye.." me:"ha??" *looks around* "ha?" Ulan as beside me. "do you know who owns this?" me:"ha?"..*thinks, ang tagal kasi ng takbo ng utak ko* "ha?..oh yeah. thanks" When all hopes are not hope-able anymore, dream big then die.
18:31
|
||