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Saturday, August 30, 2008
ang araw na ito...
Ngayong araw na ito, pumunta ako ng UST. Magsusubmit sana ako ng form para sa USTET ng kaso nung nalaman kong pangOctober 26 lang yung binibigay nilang testing date kanina, nagtanong ako kung pwede magpareschedule. Sabi nung dude dun sa reg, balik ka nalang after October 26 wow, di naman masyadong matagal yung hihintayin ko :)) Wala pang isang oras, umalis na ako ng UST. Masmahabng panahon pa ang inubos ko kakacommute papunta dun. Matapos ko sa UST, gusto ko sanang magsayang ng oras kasama ang mga kaibigan. Nagtext ako kung sinong game gumala ngayon pero walang nagreply. Ayos lang sana kung yung mga tinanungan ko'y di ko katext bago ako nagtanong kaso hindi eh, katext ko sila. Nalungkot tuloy ako. Napatanong ako sa sarili ko Ano ba yan, masyado na ba akong epal sa mga buhay nila't ayaw na nila akong makita? Siguro nga. Walang may alam kung gaano ako kaparaoid nitong mga nakaraang araw. Walang may alam. Walang may alam sa mga nararamdaman ko. Hindi naman sa ayaw nilang manhind ang mga tao. Ayaw lang siguro nila malaman. Nakakasawa din naman kasing makinig sa mga kwentong wala namang kinalaman sayo at wala ka ring mapupulot na aral. Nakakasawa ring maghana ng rason kung bakit ayaw mong makasama ang taong iyon sa partikular na araw na kinakailangan ka nya. Nakaririndi ring pakinggan ang mga pauli ulit na problemang ilang beses mo nang narinig. Nakakainis din ang mga panahong ibinibigay mo ang lahat sa kanya pero di nya makita kasi ayaw nya. Nakapagtataka diba? Hindi ba? Ewan ko ba kung bakit ganito ang mga nilalaman ng isipan ko ngayon. Wala akong binabalak na patamaan. Sinundan ko lang ang daloy ng akking mga darili sa key board. Mabilis na isinulat ng aking mga darili ang nilalaman ng aking isipan sa aking blog pero... parang ayaw o ngunit... di ko mapigilan.
18:45
unusual firsts
Today I had unsual firsts and so.. here they are :p -first time to blog after 5 days :)) -first time to commute to UST LRT-kuliglig -first time to ride a kuliglig [parang pedicab pero may motor. gamit nilang motor ay yung motor ng bangka] -first time to get mad at both of my younger brothers at the same time :))
18:41
Monday, August 25, 2008
~
LECHELECHELECHELECHELECHELECHE. Si ________ ba ito? Oo, bakit? Kayo talaga. What the fuck do you want to happen? Wala nang mangyayari okay. Wag na nating pilitin. Ayoko na ng gulo, ayaw na nya ng kaibigan, wala na tayong magagawa. Minsan ba pinagsisihan ko? Madalas. Bakit hindi? Pero... bakit ko dapat pagsisihan? Meron ba dapat? Oo? Ewan. Ewan na. Gulong gulo na ang utak ko. Pinaghalong problema sa school, problema sa bahay, problema sa kaibigan, problema ng iba pinapasa sa akin. Mukha na ba akong tambakan ng problema? Ang dami dami nang nangyayari sa paligid ko pero di ko namamalayan dahil may sariling mundo na pala ako nang di ko nalalaman. Ano nga ba ang dapat kong gawin? Nawawala sa kabaliwan ang isipan kong minsan lang kung magamit. ANO NA? PUNYETA. Ang dami dami kong plinano pero WALA. Punyeta. WALA. Lagi akong binibigo. Lalo na ng aking mga magulang.Lahat ng pangako nila saki'y napapako. Natuto na akong umasa sa wala, umiyak ng tahimik, magreklamo ng pabiro, magtrabaho ng magisa, lumayo sa mga kaibigan. LECHE. Walang wala na talaga ako. Kung pwede lang sumunod kay Eeka, gagawin ko. Di ako magrereklamo. Gagawin ko ng nakangiti. Ayoko na, suko na ako sa punyetang buhay na ito. Pagsinabi kong Di ko ito kakailanganin pagkatapos ng AC., seryoso ako punyeta kaya maniwala kayo.
00:30
Thursday, August 21, 2008
hello? hello?
I checked up my old blog and I saw that I stopped my Kwentong Barbero series at 10. I want to continue but I just don't feel the flow just yet :| Anyway, lately, I have been regretting being busy. For some reason, I keep losing people without me knowing it :( Cause you were my sun, the moon
You were my everything and Everything in my room seems to miss you tIf I get tired of putting myself in harms way to find you And forget for a moment Our hidden memories still linger Cause you're still in my room. Like what I always say: Life knows no goodbyes. Life only gives time for the wounds to heal. No matter how twisted your logic of life, friendship and love is, it shouldn't affect the people around you in a negative way but sometimes, it just can't be helped. AHCK. SCHOOL STRESS IS KILLING ME.
22:24
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
on a rainy day.
This is me ranting. This is why someone hates me. I rant a lot, DAW. Classes were suspended a while ago. Good? Maybe. I dunno. I waited in school for 3 fucking hours. Why? coz: -my sister didn't wan to call -I called the house but they just put the phone down without answering my question :| -I texted my dad and all he could reply was: Malapit na sila, traffic lang. Real reason? my mother used the car. :| WHAT THE FUCK. Badtrip sobra. The car FINALLY got there. I got in and listened to music. My mother was bitching at how I was bitching at her DAW. She didn't wait for 3 hours so yeah, that gives her EVERY right to bitch. She offered me food but I wasn't that hungry so I said Mamaya na. That gave her enough reason to bitch again. Thank God for the iPod and volume control @-) We got home, and I went straight to my room which was locked. I got really really mad banging the door. :| My kuya decided to sleep and lock the door. SMART. SMART. I went in and just dropped my stuff. :| Then she comes in, super concerned bout my brother who was sleeping and gave him the food I was supposed to eat. WHAT THE FUCK. I told her, ayoko pumasok bukas, drained na brain ko. The bitching started again. Thank you so much for hating me. It really helps. Thank you. You have ALL the right to bitch so I wont stop you. PUNYETA.
20:41
Monday, August 18, 2008
friends?
Nakita kita kanina pero di mo ako pinansin. ni isang tingin. wala. Salamat ah. Nagsinungaling ka sa kin. wala ka man lang sinabi. ganito na ba tayo? Ganyanan ba ang gusto ko? harapang bastusan ito. yan ba ang gusto mo? bastusan? PUTANGINA. Bakit mo ako ginaganito? Ano ba, akala ko ba walang gaguhan. tingnan mo nga sarili mo. Akala ko kaya mo na. Isa ka rin pala sa kanila.Pinaasa mo lang ako sa wala. salamat ah. SALAMAT. leche.
21:44
Dearest Eeka,
I know you won't be able to read this :| I make this in your memory <3 Do you remember that time when you asked me "Should I walk home or wait really long for my fetcher?" I didn't take your question seriously and told you "Walk home nalang then tomorrow, tell me if you get raped:))" You laughed with me. Then, without me knowing, you were already walking home. The next day, you went up to me saying "I walked home yesterday and I didn't get raped. :)" I was shocked that you took me seriously. I thought it was stupid that you did because it's dangerous. Years passed us by and we didn't really talk. We would say hi, hello, what's up? how are you? but nothing really with substance. During one of the Pinoy practices, I was talking with Patz and you took pictures of us. Do you remember?You looked happy and quite satisfied. Last Saturday, on my way home, I heard the news about your death. I got mad at Mara. I thought she was kidding. Mara, are you shitting me? It's not funny. She told me that she was serious. I couldn't react. Shock took over me. Eeka, do you still remember how much fun you had? I hope you don't regret anything. I'm sure you're up there watching over us. :) You'll be graduating with us, right? Later, I'll see your face one last time. I'll feel your presence one last time.
12:30
naramdaman mo na ba...
... ang hapdi dulot ng katotohanang matagal mo nang hindi hinaharap dahil ayaw mong masaktan? Nung kelan lang ay naramdaman ko ang sakit na yun. Di ko matanggap. Di ko kinaya. Wala akong magawa kundi umiyak. Itago ang luha ko sa mundo dahil ayokong may makakita. Anong nangyari sa tiwala ko sa aking sarili? NAWALA. Ayoko nang kunin yun ulit dahil lahat sila'y parepreho lang ang sinasabi. oo na, kahit masakit, tatawa nalang ako. ipapakita ko na kunwari di ako nasasaktan. Bakit? Kasi ayokong malaman nyo. :| Natapos na ba talaga ang aking paghihinagpis? Naniniwala ba kayo lagay ko ngayon? Minsan, hindi nakikita ng mata ang totoo. Minsan, hindi natin nararamdaman, wala na pala siya.
12:13
Saturday, August 16, 2008
...well?
I hear you breath
You’re lying close to me The shadows gone I have found my peace Oooh You make me calm With you I’m safe from harm And right by your side I’ll stay thru the night ‘til eternity That’s the way it will be And I wonder what you’re dreaming of You’re so peaceful when you sleep Everything I want everything I need is lying here in front of me And if I ever lose my power to fly Then your love takes me high I’ll always be true to you Sometimes I think I might lose it all Guess the chances are small Cause you hold me close I feel you near Don’t let go say you’ll always be here So just hold me tight and I’ll be fine Dreaming you will always be mine Just like the sun You make me warm inside Like a soft summer breeze A moment to seize So true I won’t stop loving you And I wonder what you’re dreaming of You’re so peaceful when you sleep Everything I want everything I need is lying here in front of me And if I ever lose my power to fly Then your love takes me high I’ll always be true to you Sometimes I think I might lose it all Guess the chances are small Cause you hold me close I feel you near Don’t let go say you’ll always be here So just hold me tight and I’ll be fine Dreaming you will always be mine And I wonder what you’re dreaming of You’re so peaceful when you sleep Everything I want everything I need is lying here in front of me And if I ever lose my power to fly Then your love takes me high I’ll always be true to you Sometimes I think I might lose it all Guess the chances are small Cause you hold me close I feel you near Don’t let go say you’ll always be here So just hold me tight and I’ll be fine Dreaming you will always be mine Always be mine - FT Island.
18:22
random adventure ;)
I had a random adventure with sort of random people yesterday. Nikki and Carmy :>:> Our adventure went something like: Ateneo-CCA-Starbucks-Kodak-Game Crab-Kodak-Ateneo-my house-Glorietta and then we parted ways in glorietta @-) :)) I'll tell the whole story in multiply when I post pictures ;) // Yesterday, I made a promise to AC. I'll definitely sleepover in her house. I'm sure I'll be keeping this one ;) // During vigil, i almost, almost, ALMOST... but I backed out last minute. PUNYETA :|
06:33
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
-wala-
Lahat ng bagay na pinaghirapan ko ay nakita kong ibinasura sa aking harapan. :( Sa klase, sa mga kaibigan, sa pagiging kapatid. lahat ng iyon ay ibinasura sa harap ng aking mga mata. lahat. Pero wala akong pake. Ayokong bigayang pansin ang mga malulungkot na pangyayari. Hindi pa ngayon ang taman panahon para malungkot dahil sa mga mumunting rason na iyan. :] Tama? May mga masasaya ding bagay na masdapat bigyang pansin dahil ito and naglalagay ng ngiting matagal na nawala sa aking mukha. CUE. Ang saya. Sobra. Ako lang babae dun kanina. Masaya. Kaya nga masaya eh :)) charing ;) Masaya kasi sa sandaling umapak ka sa loob ng kwarto, nasa ibang mundo ka na. Isang mundo na punong puno ng mga tawanan, kaberdehan, kagaguhan, sigawan, kantahan, sayawan, kwentuhan at pagpaplano ng mga darating na inuman. Tama. Yan ang mundo ng Cue. Kahit na panget pa ang pagaawit namin, ayos lang kasi masaya. Masaya kunta kasama ang mga Lasalista. Berde nga talaga kulay nila. Pati utak nila berde. Bagay. Bagay :>:> Mahabang kwentuhan ang mga pangyayari sa loob ng kwartong iyon pero sa loob ng dalawang oras, may mga bago na akong kaibigan at maami akong nalaman. :>:> Ang saya diba?:)) Sana ganito nalang ang mundo ko. Walang away, walang alaskahan. Mapayapang mundo na ngiti lamang ang nakikita ko sa aking mukha. Umiyak man ako, di ito dahil sa nasakatan ang aking mga emusyon, dahil ito sa kagaguhan nila at nasugatan ako. Yun ang gusto ko. :) Kaya pala. Naramdaman ko kaso ayokong makigulo. Lagi nalang akong nakkiepal. Ngayon, di na ako eepal kasi yun ang kagustuhan nya. Napapansin mo ba? Lumingon ka naman. Maya maya, magisa ka na di mo pa napapansin dahil sa daloy ng iyong isipan. Ewan ko kung anong tornilyo ang nawawala sayo pero, tama na, anak. Ipahinga mo na ang iyong mga daliri. Isara mo na ang iyong isipan. Sumama ka nalang sa daloy ng mga pangyayari. Malay mo may mangyaring di inaasahan. Minsan, kelangan ko lang talaga ilabas. Minsan hindi ko kaya. Minsan, walang paraan. Minsan. Minsan. Minsan. Ang ngiting napawi sa aking mukha ay unti unti nang bumabalik. Ang sugat na dinulot ng mababaw na hidwaan ay matagal nang naghilom. Ang pagkakaibigang nasayang ay hanggang ngayon nasa basurahan pa rin. Ito ang maling paraan ng pagkakaibigan pero wala tayong magagawa dahil sadyang mahirap intindihin ang mga tao ngayon. AH. Si Batma ba ang hanap mo? Umalis sya sandali. Pinapasabi nya sayo 'ANO BA BULBULIN KA NA GANYAN KA PA UMASTA' Minsan, sa bilis ng oras, di natin namamalayang matanda na tayo.
22:19
Monday, August 11, 2008
STRESS.
Got my blog page sort of fixed. Yay <-P Today, I learned something very important but it was meant for someone else. The sweetest revenge is forgiveness. Looks like I won. I won right? :))
22:06
Sunday, August 10, 2008
MADM
MELISSA ANN DUMATOL MUNDA. This is for you so you better read it :) 3 years ago, I made a post about you on this same blog ;) みって！！ the phone rang. Missy. She always calls me, another way to waste time..long moments of silence on the phone. Our conversation started with something that I shouldn't have known but it was an accident. Maybe a wake-up call for me to see reality between us. She said that my 'best friend' said I betray people. Missy: "I told her ' I idolize Kaye, she's so happy..' and she told me. 'she betrays people'" Me: "So what if I betray people?! I know why she said suck thing coz its like this. Isay, Bea, Mars, Ida, you, Pats, Kyna know more than what she does about what's happening to my life. I don't update her with my life anymore, I don't talk to her as much coz I've got my own friends and she's got her own and for that she feels betrayed by me." Missy: "can you repeat what you said? laughter" Kaye: "So what if I betray people?!...like she cares" and the conversation went on..until we got to another topic. Debate. We debated over the phone and we had topics and I had stupid answers. We debated about 'censorship on gangster rap'. I lost. I had stupid answers. Then we went on to another topic which was something about being gay..I mean metrosexual. I think...yeah. I lost again. SO we had another topic..Death penalty on minors..I was pro and I lost coz I had nothing to say and again another topic. Legalizing prostitution, I was pro...I dunoo if I lost but I think I lost. I chose a topic. BEing bisexual..if its ok. I was pro and I won!!hahahahahahaha:D Then she gave me a topic to talk about for seven minutes. First: How can Kampanerang Kuba contribute to world peace? I made no sense at all so we changed topic. She said the topic but then she used words that I totally don't understand so she made it easier for me. Do you remember Missy? Do you remember who said I betray people? I don't remember eh ;))
13:34
Tatlong tao sa araw ng Linggo :)
Hindi mo ba napapansin? Hindi mo ba naririnig? Nakikita mo pa ba? Andito lang ako. Nasa tabi mo. Andito lang ako. Sinisigaw and pangalan mo. Hindi mo na namalayang nasa kabilang dulo na pala ako ng mundo. Wala akong angal. Wala akong reklamo. Gusto ko lang malaman mo na gusto ko mulig makita kang nakangiti sa tabi ko. :) Wala akong pwedeng gawin dahil ayokong masaktan ka, mahirapan ka at balang araw makita kang umiiyak. Umiiyak ka pero ayaw mong sabihin sa akin na ako ang may kasalanan. Ayoko nun. Di bale, maghihinttay naman ako eh :) Apat na taon. Apat na di malilimutang taon kasama ka. Alam kong nagkaalitan tayo nung minsan dahil sa katangahan ko pero masaya akong ayos na angg lahat ngayon. Di man naibalik sa dati ang samahan natin, ayos na ang ganito kesa sa di tayo nagkikibuan. Masasabi kong isa kang tunay na kaibigan dahil ni minsan ay hindi mo ako iniwan sa ere para sa ibang tao, ni minsa'y di mo ako pinandirian dahil sa mga kaweirduahn ko, ni minsa'y di mo ako pinagkalat sa mundo ang masasamang bagay tungkol sa akin. Salamat <3 Kasi isa kang tunay na kaibigan kaya mahal kita :x Nararamdaman mo na diba? Ako din. Di bale, kaya natin ito :) Lagi naman tayong ganito pero nakakayanan din natin pangibabawan ang mga pangyayaring ito:) Sabi ko sayo dati, di kita iiwanan, seryoso yun. Di kita iiwanan :)
11:06
Thursday, August 7, 2008
STRESS.
Whatever happened to the words class and project?:O I'm so stressed :| What to do? I'm so busy that it brings me depression. I'm going insane and there's no one to keep me sane anymore Maybe I'm just feeling insecure and all but... I want us to stay connected but.. are you avoiding me?:| HA. Anyway. Today's dismissal was interesting :>:> Bonding with Celine, Paola, Mills, Dana, AC, Billie and Betlog during dismissal ;)
23:06
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
One year.
It's been a year since my last post here. I think I'll start keeping this blog updated again. On Aug 19, it'll be 7 months. 7 months of a mistake you over analyzed and now, you have decided. How selfish of you.
Today, I was reminded by a friend about blogger. <3 Thank you ^_^
21:56
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